Traveling on Manitoba's Highways: A Ditchin' Good Time

Saturday, March 19, 2011

If you were bored enough to follow your Twitter feed early Saturday morning, you may have read my tweet regarding a little misfortune I had within the RM of Beausejour.  (I'm not even sure if Beausejour is an RM.  I just like putting "RM" before the names of towns.)  And no, the misfortune wasn't that I peed my pants or anything.  I managed to drive my dad's 1976 Ford F-150 into the ditch.

Now, if you subscribe to Ashley Wiebe's super amazing blog, then you may have also read that getting stuck in small towns is nothing new for me.

But the Beausejour edition of my-trials-and-tribulations-with-vehicles-and-ditches-in-small-middle-of-nowhere towns had a slightly different twist.  Because my dad actually came out of the womb a tried and tested boy scout, he's prepared for every conceivable situation.  He actually has a tattoo on his left shoulder reading "Contingency Plan."  Okay, he doesn't.  But if he did have any ink on his body, I'm sure it would be something like that.  With his help, I was able to get myself out of the ditch in roughly 10 minutes.

So, without any further ado, here is the David Letterman inspired Top 10 List of Things You Need To Have In Your Vehicle When Driving On The Highway In The Winter:

10 - A flare gun.

9 - A flare rifle.

8 - A flare grenade.

7 - A shovel.  And no, not to bury dead or semi-dead bodies with.  If you're stuck in a ditch or in high snow, you might be able to shovel yourself out.

6 - A warm coat and a pair of boots. (if you're not sporting a pair already).  If you're driving on the highway in the winter, you should be dressed for the elements.

5 - A tow-rope.  The chances of a tow-truck driving by when you actually need one are as slim as my belly after Thanksgiving.  If some other vehicle without hydraulic-conveyor-technology passes by, however, they should be able to tow you out with the rope.

4 - A book or a series of magazines preferably from the 1970s.

3 - A flare machete, (aka a Light Saber)

2 - A detailed map, or a mobile device with GPS.  If you do need a tow, or some help in general, having a rough idea on where to find some could come in handy.

1 - Toilet paper.  You just never know.


  1. I've known for some time that I should get a flare machete. So, I'll make this short so I can head out right now and procure one. Love your blog, it makes me laugh.

  2. I concur with Mr. Baschak, freaking hiarious....I could go on for days with praise about your blog but I hear the flare machete is the new tickle me elmo so I'm off to Canadian Tire to do some bloody tickling. :)


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